Last updated June 5, 2025
Your son and daughter won’t stop arguing over the TV remote/whose turn it is to feed the dog/literally everything. You and your new step-kids can’t seem to get along. A divorce is imminent for you and your spouse, but you want to be sure your children don’t suffer too much collateral damage.
If you and your nearest kin aren’t seeing eye to eye, a family therapist can help. Here’s how to find and work with one.
Finding a Family Therapist
To find a good counselor, start by asking friends or colleagues if they have recommendations. If your health insurance company covers family therapy, it may also have a list of area providers. Consumers’ Checkbook reports ratings of local therapists from area consumers.
Most therapists will do a free 30-minute consultation, sometimes via phone or video call, before sessions begin. Because it’s crucial that the entire group feel comfortable with the pro, don’t feel bad if, after a chat, you decide to go with a different counselor. In fact, it’s advisable to get at least two or three free consults before settling on a therapist.
A therapist will want to meet the entire family during the first session. Unlike one-on-one psychotherapy, which has moved mostly online since the pandemic, family therapy is usually conducted in person.
“After that first session, the therapist generally meets with the parents and the child separately, maybe only once each,” said Berkeley, Calif., family therapist Rebecca Lueck. “You split them up to make sure they are strong enough for therapy, and also to emphasize the importance of leaning into their family relationships.”
Questions to Ask Yourself
Before you and your family members sit down with a shrink, think about:
What issues do you wish to address with family counseling? To deal with loss, addiction, divorce, or behavioral issues?
Do any members of your family also want to seek individual counseling? Sometimes, especially if one person suffers from depression, substance abuse, or a behavioral disorder, individual therapy may be a good choice in addition to group sessions.
How willing is each family member willing to work on your family dynamics outside of the therapy meetings?
Questions for a Potential Therapist
What is your philosophy toward family counseling?
What experience, education, and training do you have?
How many sessions do you think it might take to work out our issues? Unlike other forms of therapy, which might continue for months or years, family therapy is usually short-term.
Do you work with my health insurance plan? If so, do I need a referral?
Do you specialize in any areas? This is particularly relevant if anyone in your family group has addiction, depression, or another specific issue.
What are your fees? Keep in mind that some therapists use a sliding scale based on clients’ incomes or have flexible fee schedules.
What’s your cancellation policy?
Are you aligned with a particular faith? Is your approach and advice influenced by that faith? (Some counselors are affiliated with churches.)