Love Correction? Find a Couples' Therapist
Last updated April 2025
To paraphrase Shakespeare, the course of true love never did run smooth, especially when it comes to the U.S., where divorce rates hover at around 50 percent. Whether you and your partner are struggling with the stresses of childrearing or just need tools to communicate more effectively, a couples counselor can help you work through your issues.
To find a good counselor, start by asking friends or colleagues for recommendations. If your health insurance company covers couples therapy, it may also have a list of area providers. Checkbook’s ratings of local therapists will also steer you toward top-notch counselors.
Most therapists will do a free 30-minute consult, sometimes via phone or video call, before sessions begin. Because it’s crucial that both people feel comfortable with the pro, don’t feel bad if, after a chat, you decide to go with a different counselor. In fact, it’s advisable to get at least two or three free consults before settling on a therapist.
Below are some questions to ask yourself and your potential pro before sitting down on the sofa (or logging onto your joint Zoom session).
First, questions for you and your partner to answer:
- What do you hope to gain from counseling? To save your relationship? To communicate better? To deal with loss, addiction, or another issue?
- Do you also want to seek individual counseling? Sometimes, especially if one partner suffers from depression, substance abuse, or a gambling addiction, individual therapy may be a good choice in addition to couples’ sessions.
- How willing are each of you to work on your bond outside of the therapy meetings? Since, at its heart, couples’ counseling is about communicating better, it only helps if both parties commit to putting in time and effort outside of the shrink’s office.
- Do both people want to go to counseling? If one person only reluctantly attends, chances are the therapy won’t do any good. The same goes if one of the parties is done with the relationship; no amount of therapy can convince a person who has already left in their mind.
Ask your potential therapist:
- What is your philosophy toward couples’ counseling?
- What experience and education and training do you have?
- How many sessions do you think it might take for us to work out our issues?
- Do you work with my health insurance plan? If so, do I need a referral?
- If you or your partner has an addiction, depression, or another specific issue, do they specialize in these areas?
- What are your fees? Keep in mind that some therapists use a sliding scale based on clients’ incomes or have flexible fee schedules.
- What’s your policy for cancellations?
- Are you aligned with a particular faith? Is your approach and advice influenced by that faith? (Some counselors are affiliated with churches.)
